We have always admired those who have been kind to us. How many times have you been offered a lift by a stranger when you were stranded? How many times have you been offered free meals when you were hungry? However, some of us are not extending our kindness to people or animals. If you are not kind to others, it shows your lack of consideration for human beings.
According to a new theory popularly known as “Survival of the nicest,” the human race has prospered mainly due to kindness. Prof. Sam Bowles of the Santa Fe Institute in the United States says kindness is a key component of the survival of communities. Those who helped others in their difficulties invariably contribute to the wellbeing of fellow human beings.
There is no doubt that we have an in-built capacity to help those who are close to us. They may be our family members, close relatives or friends. This kind of kindness should be extended to strangers whenever you get an opportunity.
Kindness does not mean only donating money or goods to needy people. There are other ways for you to show your kindness to others. Old people find it difficult to cross roads or enter buildings pushing heavy glass doors. I have seen many young people helping elderly people to cross roads and enter buildings or climb stairs. If you do such random acts of kindness, do not expect anything in return, not even a ‘Thank you!’
Rainy day
One day I was waiting to reach my office on a rainy day. All the roads were flooded and I did not want to ruin my shoes and clothes by walking along the flooded road. To my surprise a vehicle stopped by me and someone opened the door and asked me to get in. I always remain grateful for such acts of kindness. It has been proved that those who perform such acts of kindness derive higher levels of happiness than those who ignore people in need.
Showing kindness to our children or loved ones is not difficult. However, you need courage to show kindness to strangers. You feel that you have done something great when you help a stranger. Sometimes we are forced to stand in long queues to buy something or get some service. Most people want to be served first. They ignore that fact that there are people who find it difficult to stand in a queue for a long time. Some people are in a hurry to withdraw money from a bank to buy medicine for a relative who is critically ill. If you see someone like that, allow them to be served first.
When you travel by bus be ready to offer your seat to a pregnant woman or an elderly person. When the conductor demands the bus fare some people do not have the required amount. On such occasions you can contribute and allow him to travel to his destination. I have seen even foreign tourists helping local passengers to buy tickets. Such acts of kindness will give you a buzz. If you help a known person, you can forge a better relationship.
Wrong notion
We believe that bad things happen to good people. This is a wrong notion. Prof. Stephen Post in his book ‘Why good things happen to good people’ says that there is enough evidence to show that kindness pays. Another study shows that those who help others are less likely to fall ill, because they have a better immune system.
Psychological research shows that kindness can help regulate emotions which have a positive impact on your health. When you are under a stressful situation, your cardio-vascular system gets weak. However, when you do something good to someone else, your stress levels will come down and make you happy.
Kindness is a virtue and you do not need a lot of money to show it to others. Therefore, do not look for the right way to help someone in distress. When the opportunity arises show your kindness in whatever possible way. When you start being kind to others, some people get puzzled.
One day a man gave a book to a stranger while they were travelling on a train. While giving the book the giver probably did not expect anything in return. However, to his utter surprise, the other passenger gave it back to the giver saying, “If I want a book, I can buy it.” We are living in a strange world. There are people who will not appreciate your kind gestures.
I knew of a very old man who had worked as a librarian. He also had a private library. He used to donate a book to anyone who visited him. He enjoyed giving books to others. That was the way he showed his kindness to others. I also met a retired English teacher teaching a group of village children free. He reminded me of Oliver Goldsmith’s poem ‘The Village Schoolmaster.’
Criticism
Those who perform kind acts sometimes become the butt end of criticism. The commonest criticism is that they are having a secret motive. Another criticism is that they want to be popular. Except for politicians who expect your vote, others do kind acts expecting nothing in return.
One day a girl travelling on a train was verbally abused by a passenger. Although there were many men and women, nobody came to her rescue. In psychology, this is known as the ‘bystander effect.’ When someone needs help in a public place, they are less likely to receive help if there are many people around the place. This is because everyone takes their cue from the crowd and assumes someone else will take the responsibility.
Some people donate their kidneys to strangers. Some time ago a bhikkhu donated his kidney to a person who belonged to a different religion. I spoke to a young man who had donated a kidney to his sister. He claimed that it was one of the easiest decisions he had ever taken. From time to time, we hear of such acts of profound kindness.
Dopamine
A 2005 study from Hebrew University in Israel has found a link between kindness and a gene that releases dopamine, a feel good neurotransmitter in the brain. That is why many people feel more energetic, warm and calmer after doing an act of kindness. In a way, kindness can be selfish because altruism itself is concerned with self-interest. Whether it is selfish or not, kindness is a sterling quality you can cultivate.
Even if you do not have the means to distribute lunch packets to poor people, you can perform certain random acts of kindness without spending money. If you see an elderly person struggling to carry a heavy bag, carry it for him.
When it rains take another person under your umbrella. Visit a home for the aged and spend some time entertaining the inmates. Offer your seat to anyone who deserves it.
Gauthama Buddha’s kindness knew no bounds. You too can show kindness to fellow human beings and your dumb friends. If you do so, you will live a happy life.
karunaratners@gmail.com
