It’s the classic story with a twist. A lone pilgrim was on his way to Kataragama. He was driving his own jalopy. He got a flat tyre on a dark lonely road and discovered to his horror that he had no jack. When he looked around he saw a dim light in a close by house. While he was walking towards it his mind began to churn out a series of questions: Will there be anyone in the House? Will they have a jack? Suppose someone in the house refuses to give me the jack. He became more agitated when he reached the house. He knocked on the door and an old man appeared. The pilgrim shouted at him: “Keep your jack!”
The story appears to be a humourous episode, but it shows the type of a man who is burdened with self-defeatist thinking. We have heard people say: “Nothing happens even if I try hard to get a job.” A student who has failed his examination would say: “I’ll never make it.” After facing an interview, a job aspirant would say: “They won’t select me for the vacancy.”
Quite unknowingly such inner speech shapes our lives. When you travel through life with such negative thoughts they will only spell gloom and doom. In simple words, if you wish to succeed in life, you will have to entertain positive thoughts. If you have negative thoughts all the time, the result will be disastrous.
Total mess
Success or failure in life depends on your thoughts. I heard a patient telling a physician, “Doctor, I know you can’t help me. I have so many physical ailments and I am a total mess.” The doctor will prescribe some medicine but you will not recover from your ailments.
If you run down yourself, nobody can help you to succeed in life. On the other hand, many employees complain that they are stagnating in their grades without getting increments or promotions. To get increments and promotions, you have to work hard. Only smart people will get what they want.
If you are feeling down, you are sending yourself negative messages. If you listen to your own words, you will be surprised. Put them down in writing to capture their nasty effect. As far as possible, isolate destructive thoughts. When you ask someone what they are, they would say, “I’m only a secretary” or “I am just a clerk.” By using ‘only’ and ‘just’, you downgrade your job, and by extension, yourself. Why can’t you say, “I am a secretary” or “I am a clerk?” Such positive statements will open doors to positive follow-ups.
It is not easy to stop negative thoughts. I heard a candidate say, “If I fail the exam, my future will be ruined.” Examination failures are quite common. Even very bright students fail in their examinations. As a child Albert Einstein was not a bright student, but he became an eminent scientist by dint of hard work.
People in developed countries consult psychiatrists to solve their emotional problems. One day a man went to a psychiatrist and told him that he was depressed. The psychiatrist asked him what his real trouble was. He said, “Some time ago, my grandfather left me $50,000 and then my grandmother died leaving me $70,000.”
Big fortune
“With such a big fortune you should be happy.”
“No, doctor, I am unhappy because I didn’t get anything this month!”
If you are depressed over something, try to get rid of it. The man mentioned above could have thought about the fortune he had received instead of expecting more. Think about what you already have without brooding over what you do not have. Some comforting words are found in the Bible: “whatever is honourable, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, think about these things.”
If you are feeling down, go on a trip or just go for a walk. When you do so, your spirits will pick up and you will change the direction of your thinking. Finally, your mood will be brightened. Almost all of us have certain duties and responsibilities. We can carry out our obligations only when we are reoriented. Turn everything negative to positive. Do not say, “I have a heavy workload in office.” Instead say, “It is fun to handle a heavy workload.” When you reorient yourself, you will see a different world. Avoid depressing thoughts that bog you down.
Think differently
It has been well established that if you think differently, you will feel and act differently. The celebrated poet John Milton wrote: “The mind can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” The choice is yours.
Most of the problems arise when you are unhappy with your job, marriage partner or social status. We do everything to enjoy happiness which appears to be an elusive goal. In a worldwide survey, it was found that there is no particular stage of life which is less happy than another. However, there are certain facts you cannot overlook. For instance, wealth does not beget happiness. In a survey of ‘Forbes’ magazine it was found that the privileged are not much happier than average folks. However, married people seem to be happier than singles.
Recent studies show that extroverts are happier than introverts because the former have a sense of control and self-esteem. Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi says, “Happiness means living in a state of flow. That means you have to be totally absorbed in an activity, whether at work or play.” The flow quality is found in students, dancers, writers and scientists. What is important to note is that flow entails the use of all or most of your skills.
Live in the present
If you wish to enjoy happiness, live in the present. Treasure your child’s smiles, gain satisfaction by helping someone in need or feed stray cats and dog to see how they devour the food voraciously.
Instead of entertaining negative thoughts, curl up with your favourite book and enjoy reading. You also have to take control of your time which is a priceless commodity. Do not sit in front of a television all the time and become a couch potato. Get moving and rest when necessary. Such people exude vigour and vitality.
Finally, take care of your soul. People who have faith in religion seem to be happier than atheists and agnostics. Although faith alone cannot ensure immunity from depression and illness, it can nudge you along on the road to happiness.
