In an age where individuality is celebrated and diversity is cherished, one might assume that rigid gender roles have become a relic of the past. Yet, despite the strides made in dismantling these societal constraints, men continue to grapple with the weight of expectations and limitations imposed by these archaic stereotypes. In an attempt to examine the barriers to authentic masculine expression we reached out to a few experts on the reasons behind this and how to break these chains.
Gender roles, deeply embedded in cultures worldwide, prescribe a rigid framework for how men should behave, feel, and present themselves. These roles dictate that men be strong, stoic, and unyielding, discouraging any expression of vulnerability or emotion. While these expectations may have been formed with the intent of fostering resilience, they have also inadvertently fostered emotional repression and a lack of authentic self-expression.
Counselling psychologist Dr. Kalharie Pitigala talking to us, said, “It is very common that boys are told not to cry as children and that it is a weak thing to do. This is where it starts. Their expression is shunted from a very young age due to societal expectations. Even boys with different sexual orientation are made to feel less than a man due to this enormous amount of stigma surrounding them. And in situations where they are not comfortable with their bodies or feel like they are not in the right body, they need to be supported on how to navigate that but if their expression is curtailed at this point they will have a life of mental agony.
What we need to understand is that this is a part of their biology and nature and we cannot put a pin in that, or change that if we don’t like it. Self-expression and gender expression is a very important part of growing up and it is very important to encourage all children despite their gender to do so.”
When asked about how free gender expression can be promoted, Pitigala told us that, “talking, reading, exploring to find out that they are not alone in this world is important. It is also important to cultivate self-love and make them feel connected to themselves and appreciate them for who they are, emotions and expression and all. I would also talk to the closest surrounding to the person, family, friends, siblings. Because expressions can be shunted in your closest settings”.
Masculine expression, in its full spectrum, is a rich tapestry of emotions, interests, and identities. It encompasses strength and vulnerability, stoicism and empathy, dominance and submission, and more. Yet, the pressure to conform to a limited range of behaviors often stifles this diversity. Men are frequently discouraged from displaying vulnerability, from seeking help or support when they need it, and from pursuing interests that fall outside the narrow boundaries of ‘acceptable’ male activities.
Professor in Sociology Siri Hettige referring to the sociological aspects of masculine gender roles told us that, social notions and gender roles are formed as a part of socialization. “What prevails in a family environment is the norms, notions and values. When we socialize in other settings such as schools, work places other settings gender roles would change and evolve. We have to understand that these things are embedded in social and cultural contexts. Having rigid gender norms can be harmful in many aspects, it may make people feel pressured, trapped and unheard. This may even result in aggression and violent behaviors. The fact is that we need to identify that these norms are simply social steretypes that may not have that much of a bearing on many aspects of life.”
The expectations placed upon men to be breadwinners, to pursue careers in traditionally masculine fields, and to avoid “feminine” interests also limit their self-expression. Men may feel pressured to conform to these roles, even if they have a genuine passion for activities outside these boundaries. In doing so, they miss out on the opportunity to pursue their true passions, to explore their creativity, and to develop a richer sense of self.
Rigid gender roles
We reached out to some men who expressed how these rigid gender roles have affected them in certain aspects of their life;
Amandha Amarasekara, model and digital content creator: “I do believe we are expected to behave a certain way due to gender roles surrounding the male gender. Sometimes I am expected to be stoic and willed but I believe these are traits and characteristics that I pride myself in having but should not be imposed upon simply because of my gender. I personally do not think these expectations have limited me in the way I carry myself and express myself, but they have provided me a guideline to do more of this and to make this type of decision”.
Lakith Weerasinghe, Banker: “Masculinity could be something that is created in our minds but the social pressures that come with it are very real. As men we have been conditioned to always take risks, never say that you cannot do a certain thing or not be able to provide in a certain manner. Especially in my life I have never had the opportunity to say no and express my unhappiness about something I was expected of. Even in my family background and my work environment.
“Even in a family setting if you have younger sisters or brothers, it is your responsibility to take financial responsibility for them, to provide for them, to ensure their education, ensure their safety and general wellbeing. All these things we are tasked with and held responsible for by society are mostly not for our benefit, simply for the benefit of others surrounding us. So I believe due to this most men are under pressure. Basically these restricted gender roles have made me suffer and I believe it is important to foster positive ways to express ourselves.”
Kapila Rasnayake, Artist, Motivational speaker and Activist: “We socialize differently as men and as women. I was also conditioned to socialize as a man from a young age. But after sometime I learnt how to deconstruct my social learnings and how to react and act as a human and not as a masculine person. I believe it is a learning process. If we practice certain behavioral patterns for respect, for consent and others freedom we can change ourselves. I also learnt these gender roles as a man. Again as a man we can reflect on our daily actions and create more healthy behaviour patterns for the prevention of gender based violence and for the prevention of violence against women and girls. When I was a child society told me to ‘be a man’, ‘don’t cry’, ‘don’t play with dolls’, ‘don’t wear pink’, ‘don’t be emotional’. These are notions surrounding masculinity. But I believe they can be challenged and recreate humanity but we need more practice, more patience, an education system that encourages the importance of celebrating ourselves for who we are. And in a way this has limited the way I carry myself as a person.
“For example if I am not expressing my emotions in a healthy way it may result in serious repercussions on my mental health and also may result in violence. These things could result in drug abuse, violent behaviors and commission of sexual and gender based violence. We know that the majority of prison inmates are men but in the higher education system we have a very limited number of men. This in fact may be a result of the different ways in which men and women are conditioned to socialise from a young age. So this restriction put on this human life is not ok. We want to promote lovely brothers, lovely fathers, lovely partners, lovely passengers and lovely respectable men. This is at the end of the day not about men and women, this is about us as humans and how we treat each other. So as men we can unlearn some of these traits and relearn gender roles that promote love, respect, rights of others and humanity.”
“Keep things bottled up”
Haritha Murage, Medical Doctor: “I believe gender roles have made it so that a large fraction of men when presented with issues find themselves alone. Mostly because expressing their emotions is considered to be taboo and they do not even not know how to talk about things and whom to talk to for that matter. This is because we are conditioned from a young age to keep things bottled up. I also believe that sometimes society expects men to prove themselves to be worthy providers. Living through some of these stereotypes and strict gender roles can be very exhausting. Even if you try to unlearn and express yourself in a healthy way there maybe a small part of you that feels obligated to stick to some of these gender roles. But I believe the important thing is to realize that we identify ourselves and get comfortable with how we carry ourselves and express ourselves, that way we would foster respect for each other despite their gender or social roles and cultivate love and a connection with each other as humans.”
Breaking free from these limitations is a process of both personal and societal transformation. It requires men to embrace their full spectrum of emotions, to express vulnerability without shame, and to seek support when needed. It also demands that society at large celebrates and supports men in these endeavors. Men should feel encouraged to pursue interests and careers that align with their passions rather than societal expectations. Further In a journey towards authentic masculine expression, it is crucial to recognize that diversity should be celebrated and that no two individuals are the same. Breaking free from the limitations of gender roles is not about establishing new stereotypes; it is about embracing the vast spectrum of possibilities for self-expression that each man can explore.
