If you have ever been caught up in someone else’s game-playing at work, you will know how disempowering and infuriating it can be.
Maybe you have been pitted against a teammate, by being told lies about them or having lies told about you. Or you may have had information hidden from you that would have made your job easier or let you act more effectively.
Co-workers might do this sort of thing to get ahead, if they see you as competition for a promotion or for the boss’s favour for instance. Of course, some people simply do this for cruelty and drama. It makes them feel powerful when they can be so manipulative.
We have all had those teammates – people who behave badly and stir things up simply for the psychodrama, or to hide their own insecurities and shortcomings. It gives them an over inflated sense of having influence. It is exhausting and takes valuable time and energy away from getting the job done.
It can have a huge negative impact on team and company performance. It creates an uncomfortable and off-putting culture, affecting recruitment and retention, and fostering a bad reputation as a workplace. But when a leader chooses to play games of this sort as a way to command and control the team, things can get particularly ugly. We all have unique behaviour but know that your behaviour at work is not personal. Game playing comes from a place of fear. Game players will opt for different strategies based on their inadequacies and feelings of not being good enough. Behave in a way that serves you and your career. Stay in your own lane; the less you focus on the game player, the less impact they can have on you.
Raise the issue
When your team or co-workers try to sabotage you at work, it’s tempting to respond or get embroiled in an argument or confrontation. But this may backfire as you may come across as petty, and it is unlikely that the person playing games will stop their behaviour.
It is better to deal with difficult colleagues by having a courageous conversation. It could be that you need to talk to your manager about someone in your team, or as the boss, you may need to raise the issue in a team meeting or with an individual team member. Raising it calmly in a structured meeting will take the emotion away from the situation.
Airing the skeleton in the closet can often release the tension that everyone is feeling and gives people room to resolve the situation. It also gives all the individuals involved time to reflect on their actions.
When you are subject to the game playing of your co-workers or boss, such as veiled criticism, being put down, or being left out of meetings or email conversations, although it’s tempting to expose your colleague or boss in front of others, it means you are taking part in the game playing too. Rising above it all is the best thing you can do.
Model the way
Start contributing to changing the work culture by modelling the way you should work and communicate within your team. This will ensure that any bad behaviour in the office is easy to spot and flagged by other members of the team. The best way to bring about a change at work is by praising others, encouraging your team and being empathetic to your co-workers. Make efforts to change the work culture to one of collaboration, honesty, and kindness. Collaborating and communicating effectively will change the energy and dynamic of the team moving forward.
This way you will be contributing to a better working environment for everyone at the office. My blog about team dynamics has some good advice on how to deal with a broken team. If the game playing or bullying doesn’t stop, you may need to take it to HR. Bullying should not be tolerated at work or in any environment.
External support from a coach or counsellor can help you get some perspective and make decisions about what you want to do next. Sometimes leaving a toxic environment is the best option, particularly if all the attempts you have made to resolve the situation have failed.
Even as a leader you can be affected by game playing in the office. It could be a team leader or a boss who is undermining you or taking credit for your work. If you are the victim of game playing in the office, you may feel stressed and distressed. The main thing is to step out of the game. Don’t let a toxic work culture disrupt your life and don’t let it go on for too long. You mustn’t get involved or retaliate as this can damage your career, relationships, and health.
If you are a leader who plays games and manipulates, it can be particularly hard to hear that fear drives this behaviour. And no doubt you are pushing back now, and shouting at the screen that you are not fearful, but clever and strong and that’s why you are able to get so much out of your team- through your skillful use of manipulation. But more often than not, with a tiny bit of digging, a leader will find just below the surface of their bravado as game-player extraordinaire a raft of insecurities.
