Parental Alienation is a term that describes the emotional fallout of one parent and the children in a family. This situation is caused by the other parent in the same family, who deliberately attempts to turn the couple’s children against the targeted parent.
It is often seen in a family that is experiencing marital disharmony and as a result the husband and wife are at loggerheads. In Parental Alienation, one parent through words and conduct attempts to eradicate the children’s relationship with the targeted parent without legitimate justification. As a result, the children in the family ally more strongly with the preferred parent and reject a relationship with the other parent.
The alienating parent brainwashes the children by telling, that the targeted parent does not love or care for them. Funds and facilities are not made available to the children, to show that the uncaring and unloving targeted parent, is of no help and at times is a hindrance.
All efforts are made to distance the children from the targeted parent and create a dislike and animosity towards that parent, who is now made to appear as a terrible person. Lying to the kids to make the other parent look bad is the modus operandi.
The alienating parent prevents the children having any close association with the targeted parent, might even find fault if seen or comes to known that such is happening.
Parental Alienation is a theorised process through which children become estranged from one parent, solely as a result of the psychological manipulation of the other parent. Parents who cause alienation use their children to meet their own needs, violating boundaries and seriously compromising and damaging the children’s healthy development. It is child abuse in disguise and is also referred to as Hostile Aggressive Parenting.
It is well to realise that Parental Alienation, which is now universally known, is a process and not an event. Parental Alienation does not protect the children’s interests, it places them in peril. The same could be said with regards to the plight of the targeted parents. The alienating strategies have dire consequences and long-term effects on the children’s mental health and wellbeing. It should not be tolerated, accepted or ignored by anyone, who truly cares for children and the targeted parents who are facing it.
The first step in addressing a problematic situation is to make people aware of its existence by providing evidential information, which will help to recognise the situation and subsequently manage it. Early detection could minimise the harm that results from being subjected to such adversity. Information provided hopefully will alert those facing this predicament and guide them as to what should be done,to deal with the situation.
Effects on the children
Studies suggest that Parental Alienation is associated with long-term psychological damage to the affected children that can last a lifetime. The children who are victims of Parental Alienation miss a lifetime of loving and supportive relationship with the parent they were conditioned to reject.
Distancing and alienating one parent from a child’s life, causes the child to feel isolated and neglected, also instilling feelings of insecurity.
Depression, anxiety, poor self-esteem, lack of trust in relationships, high rates of divorce and self-defeating behavior, drug abuse, are just some of the deleterious consequences.
Daughters naturally crave connection with their fathers. They especially cherish emotional and physical affection from their fathers. According to research, when girls and their fathers have a strong connection, those daughters do better in life, on a number of different levels. Hence loss of that paternal love has far-reaching repercussions.
Parental Alienation causes persistent anger in a child towards the alienated parent. Harbouring such prolonged anger is destructive to the child.
Impact of Parental Alienation on the alienated parents
Parental Alienation also profoundly affects the targeted alienated parent. Post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms and higher rates of depression have been reported. Some of the parents and also children,who have been severely affected had committed suicide.
The marital bond between the parents is a legal one, which may breakup. The bond between a child and a parent is a biological one, that cannot be broken.
Hence the repercussion of a breakdown of such a relationship has very devastating consequences.
Parental alienation opponents
The parents who are portrayed as the perpetrators of Parental Alienation at times mention, that it has not been recognised by medical and professional bodies as It is not a disease. That is because it is a parent – child relationship problem, and is not a health disorder per se, although it causes mental health issues and behavioural problems. The existence of Parental Alienation is now getting to be known in society and those who are victims know it all too well.
Parental Alienation refers to the situation where there is alienation between the children and one parent in the family, while Parental Alienation Syndrome refers to the affected children’s symptoms.
Parental Alienation Syndrome was developed by American child psychiatrist Dr. Richard Gardner in 1985 based on his personal observations.
Warning signs
Early detection is the starting point in managing a deleterious situation.
Hence recognition of Parental Alienation is important as it could give an opportunity to stop it at the outset, or manage it by taking steps to address the consequences and prevent itfrom progressing any further.
Signs shown by the Alienating Parent
The presence of Parental Alienation has to be considered if the following are observed in a family unit.
Alienating Parent is often badmouthing the targeted parent also allowing family members and friends to trash talk the targeted parent in front of the children. The targeted parent is hated and rejected without any justifiable reason. Alienating Parent is also withholding academic, medical and other important information of the children from the targeted parent. The alienated parent is not informed of any achievements of the children and even debarred from attending such functions.
Children are discouraged, made to feel guilty for spending enjoyable time and getting involved in fun activities with the targeted parent. Such is not allowed and if it does happen, the alienating parent directly or indirectly reprimands the children.
The alienating parent tells the children that the targeted parent does not care or love them and is held responsible for the troubles the children face.
The alienating parent confides with the children what is made to appear as confidential information. Discussing proven or unproven extramarital affairs involving the targeted parent is not uncommon.
Compelling the children to make decisions which is often opposed to that chosen by the targeted parent too is a sign. Another is forcing the children to comply with decisions taken by the alienating parent, that can affect the targeted parent immensely
The worst scenario is when the children are stealthily taken away from the targeted parent -parental child abduction, which sadly does happen.
Signs shown by the children
Children subjected to alienation have no sense of guilt about the hostility or disrespect they show the targeted alienated parent. No amount of atonement by the alienated parent shifts the children’s feelings.
Efforts to win back the affections of the children by the alienated parent are ignored or even laughed at by the children. Rejection of the alienated parent’s family by the children can even extend to all members on the side of the Alienated Parent, who may be subjected to the children’s disrespect and hostility, as a component of their alienation.
The children do not inform the alienated parent of any special events or achievements they are involved in, be it in schools or universities.
The alienated parents are not invited and at times prevented from attending any such functions. In some instances, even withholding an invitation to the children’s wedding, does happen.
Children calling the targeted parent by their first name instead of mum or dad.
In some situations where the targeted alienated parent is the father, the children are made to refer to the maternal grand-father as dad.
Prevention
* When there is marital disharmony, always be on the watch out for Parental Alienation.
* See to it that disharmonies among parents need to be handled by themselves making sure that the children are not witnesses and are totally prevented from getting involved.
* When it is obvious to the targeted parent that the relationship with the children is hindered, adopt ways to make contact with the children without the alienating parent being knowledgeable about it.
Ways to cope
One way to move on is by obtaining advice and support from people and many organisations worldwide that are operating to help the targeted parents and the victimised children, Never stop loving the alienated children unconditionally. International Parental Alienation Awareness Day is observed on April 25 every year to raise awareness about Parental Alienation.
– Parental Alienation Vigilantes, a voluntary support group in Sri Lanka that has no religious or political affiliations is accessible via – www.pavinfo.com
