Happy and thrice happy are they who enjoy an uninterrupted union, and whose love, unbroken by any complaints, shall not dissolve until the last day. – Horace
Whether you stick to them or not, making resolutions can help you figure out what is really important in life. We make a host of resolutions whenever a New Year dawns. As far as marriage is concerned, you can make resolutions at any time you wish. This is because most of us take the stability in marriage for granted without realising the pitfalls. Sometimes you have no time to think of your spouse due to problems at the workplace or children. Gloria Richfield, co-author of ‘Together Forever’ says people forget their marriage vows very often.
For any marriage to succeed, spouses have to set aside some time to reach for marital goals. Therefore, keeping marriage resolutions can be a productive way of improving family bonds. Sometimes you might wonder what these marriage resolutions we are talking about. Here are some of them.
We have our own fans in different fields. However, you rarely meet a husband who is the biggest fan of his wife or vice versa. Most husbands and wives do not pay compliments to their spouses in public. While attending a dinner party I heard a man say, “She is very methodical” pointing a finger at his wife. The other women glanced at her enviously while she was beaming at the unexpected compliment.
Spouse-bashing
It is useless praising your spouse at home. Such private compliments usually do not carry any weight. Compliments should be paid in front of others. Then your compliments become important. On the other hand, most people have the unhealthy habit of criticising their spouses in public. Leave the spouse-bashing for comedians. If you make rude comments about your spouse in public, they will not be forgotten easily. The aggrieved party will always remember the harsh comments made by you.
I have often heard wives complaining “My hubby is so lazy to get up in the morning,” or “He is never a smart guy.” No husband would like to hear such negative comments coming from their wives. If you praise your spouse as a model father or mother, they will try to maintain that image.
Sex is a major part of any marriage. Therefore, spouses should expand their knowledge about sex by reading books or listening to experts. If you are not comfortable in doing so, try a different method. When people live together for a long time, they begin to lose their interest in the other person. In order to avoid such a calamity, dress well and maintain healthy habits.
Many husbands keep themselves busy with office work even after returning home. When you do so, wives get bored with their work. Husbands and wives have to spend quality time together at least for a few hours. In most households, both spouses are glued to their smart phones or television. People in a relationship have to think more of their spouses than inanimate electronic gadgets that have invaded our lives.
Face-to-face time
Recent studies show that any activity increases the amount of time you spend together with your spouse will increase the level of satisfaction in marriage. This does not mean that they should always stay at home. Whenever possible, spouses should get out of the house together at least once a week. If this is not possible, try to spend at least ten minutes together every morning and evening. Such meetings should not be disturbed by television or other distractions. Even if you do not have anything important to discuss, just listen to your spouse. The average couple spends remarkably little face-to-face time per week. This is a serious problem.
Psychologists often talk about a marital adrenaline boost. What it means is that every once in a while spouses have to bring in new energy into their relationship. Otherwise any marriage will become a dull routine. Meanwhile, little acts of kindness will go a long way to maintain marital bliss. In some households spouses exchange their roles at weekends. The husband goes to the kitchen to cook dinner leaving the wife to play with children. While doing so, show your gratitude when your partner does a kind deed for you. Instead of thanking, show your appreciation.
Most business organisations make future plans at the end of each fiscal year. They discuss and write down goals they are going to achieve over the next several years. Married couples too can adopt the same technique to give their lives some direction. They can even have a five-year plan of their own. The areas to be considered are putting up a new house, buying a comfortable vehicle, finding more lucrative jobs, or going for higher education. When you discuss such a plan, each spouse will come to know the likes and dislikes of the other. A five-year plan will be a great tool for opening up communication which is lacking in most marriages.
Most of us have moments when love for our spouses wells up inside. This is the time to take a few minutes to record your feelings in your journal. What you write is a visual sign of your love. Both spouses can read such a journal again and again and derive much pleasure.
Medical difference
Daniel Goleman in ‘Social Intelligence’ says love and marriage seemingly can make a medical difference. According to medical experts, men who take treatment for coronary heart disease are those who get least support from their loved ones, especially wives. On the other hand, toxic relationships are a major risk factor of disease and death. Relationships cut two ways: they can either buffer us from illness or intensify the ravages of ageing and disease.
You may wax rhapsodic about your beloved until you begin to live together. Therefore, it is necessary to experiment with creative living conditions so that your home does not become a prison. Even while living in the same house, each spouse needs an area to retreat to on certain occasions. Conversations, scents, coughing, movements and the energy field of another overlapping yours can be intrusive. You do not have to be finicky; it’s all about maintaining the well-being of your marriage.
