At the workplace, when little disappointments and conflicts become resentments against colleagues, they can turn into harmful grudges, poisoning the grudge-bearer.
The salary raise we were unfairly denied, the promotion someone else got that we weren’t considered for, the coworker who always seems to find a flaw in our conduct and point it out in front of the others.
Grudges in the workplace happen, they’re a part of human nature. But this negativity can weigh you down and cause added unnecessary stress – and affect performance. Feelings are there to be felt but they also need to be processed, especially if they are negative
It’s frustrating to work with someone who makes a critical mistake. Their mistake leaves you with twice the work to do and not enough time to do it. But that doesn’t make them a failure. You shouldn’t hold yourself or your coworkers to impossible standards of perfection.
A lot of grudges come from conflating a mistake or series of mistakes with labeling someone a failure or incompetent or intentionally, maliciously setting out to ruin your work life. Preventing these mental escalations and labeling will help you avoid grudges altogether. One of the most common workplace grudges I see is due to people claiming credit for something another person has worked on
Sri Lankan people like to naturally get divided though we speak of the importance of being together as one. The school you have gone to, geographical area you were born and raised in, sports you associate with, political affiliation and even the clothes you wear are several elements people latch on to get divided.
Some grudges form due to a simple breakdown of communication or miscommunication. If you’re looking to avoid them altogether, clear and concise communication with your coworkers is important. You need to be smart enough to decide what not to communicate too.
Some workplace grudges are formed by people who simply don’t like each other. The important thing to remember is that you won’t like everyone you meet and that’s just fine. As long as you can find a way to productively work with someone, accepting that you won’t ever like them or be friends is perfectly acceptable.
Seek common ground
So many companies focus on that “family-like” culture but, especially in larger companies, the odds of you liking everyone are low. The boss who criticised your conduct more than everyone else’s might have seen a better teaching moment in your mistakes than your coworkers.
Whatever the case may be, holding on to these small resentments and letting them escalate into grudges won’t do you any favours. Seek common ground and try to understand where they might be coming from rather than assuming.
More often than not, you’ll be surrounded by coworkers who are all doing the same thing: trying to do the job well while balancing the daily grind with the rest of life’s demands. The coworker who left your email off of the group meeting invite wasn’t intentionally trying to exclude you, they were probably just distracted by something else. Everyone is out to get you.
If grudges are commonplace in your office, you may be in a toxic work environment. This swarm of negativity can drag you down into the muck no matter how positive and resilient you are when you start out. If this is the case for you, take the time to start a job search so you can find a healthier work environment. It may be the best way to avoid workplace grudges and added stress.
Don’t let workplace grudges slow you down or stress you out. Use these effective methods to avoid them altogether or get over them quickly if they do occur. You’ll be happier going to work every day if you’re free from these pesky workplace grudges.
Patching up
Address mistakes without labelling people. Mistakes happen at work and while these can lead to extra hours of work for you or a less-than-ideal project outcome, it is important to remember that no one is perfect. Adopt realistic expectations from colleagues, and avoid immediately labelling mistakes as a failure, incompetence, or malicious intentional act. This mindset helps diffuse negative feelings that give rise to grudges.
Run frequent communication programs among employees and managers. Give employees and managers skills to deal with workplace mistakes, communicate frustration, and reorient to career goals. This empowers workers to shift from victim mindsets, where they wallow in negative thoughts, to one of control and accountability.
Encourage collaboration rather than rivalry. Ill-feelings towards co-workers can stem from a toxic work culture that misconstrues workplace rivalry as a key ingredient to success. Research from Deloitte shows that collaborative strategies make businesses twice as likely to outgrow their competitors. Managers can enable such a culture by rewarding individual achievements while recognising team effort, weeding out their own biases, and being a servant leader to their team.
Everyone in the company is trying to do their job as well as they can within the system. Building a workplace free from grudges helps your employees stay connected to others, gives them purpose, and fosters a healthy work environment. There are people who have a victim mindset.
They are the type to say things like, ‘poor me’, ‘everyone is out to get me’, or ‘nobody sees me as the brilliant person I am’. We can all think like this at times and if we are more disposed to that mindset, we are more likely to hold grudges. Similarly, if we have an external locus of control and look for validation from others, we may be more inclined to form grudges when that validation isn’t forthcoming.
Holding grudges can negatively impact the quality of your life. It can make you more pessimistic, increase your stress levels and make you more likely to suffer from anxiety. It can also prevent positive thinking and stop you from focusing. If we can let go of grudges, it will lighten the load in our minds. A grudge is a persistent feeling of resentment and resentment is a very deep negative emotion. Holding on to it will never make you feel better.
It’s a funny concept, holding a grudge. A grudge is a feeling of anger, hurt, bitterness, or even revenge about someone’s behavior or intentions. A grudge crowds out other thoughts. You are holding the grudge, but the grudge is also holding you.
