Disara Dewni Abeywickrama, was an English Lecturer by profession even before she graduated university.
As the youngest in her family, she was pampered by parents and had an amazing childhood filled with love and freedom. But this also led most people around her to assume that she hasn’t undergone any challenges, that life is easy for her and that she has achieved everything with little to no effort.
This is one of the sole reasons for Disara to write her memoir, “Scars That Speak”, so that she could showcase to the world how people like her also hide painful realities of life.
Disara was not always an academically talented child. In fact, she was the complete opposite of what parents and elders believe to be a “smart” kid. In an environment where academic success was placed on a high pedestal and every student was running a rat race, she wasn’t a competent student at schoolwork like her classmates were.
She also wasn’t very interested in academics and didn’t force herself to try too hard at studies as well. This gradually made her believe that she is not a person of worth and is destined to be talentless and unimportant.
Scars
Since she was young, Disara thus went through an abundance of scars in her life such as bullying, cruelty and negligence at school. But what made her the hero of her own story is that, even though she was subjected to low self-esteem over and over again, it was the one tragedy that she triumphantly avoided and towered over.
Disara wore these painful encounters like battle scars and had them motivate her to move forwards instead of bringing her down. She found her passions and interests and flourished at school by being a talented individual in a lot of extra-curricular activities such as being the president of the Shakespeare club, prefectship, event compering, announcing and also news reading in the media unit.“This is who I am and I’m not without obstacles and hardships and there are so many people like me,” said Disara. “To inspire others through my personal stories is my main motivation.”
Disara recalls several times in her book how adults around her shook her emotions and how much it psychologically affected her during her childhood and even at university. But thankfully her passion and determination kept her focused and stable throughout her journey. “I didn’t realise the depth of the pain and trauma I experienced,” she said.
But every single painful challenge that Disara lived through, shaped her personality as she learned to navigate life and accomplish goals and become independent and strong from her childhood to womanhood.
“Even though we have problems, we shouldn’t extend those to the children. Teaching is a very crucial profession,” Disara stressed. “Young children don’t know anything, therefore elders have a huge responsibility towards them. Every child is different, not everyone has the same talents or is equally good at academics. Hence, the elders in their lives should be flexible and have the ability to adjust accordingly, which most of the adults around me unfortunately didn’t do or realise.”
Love and pain
Disara highlighted how most adults don’t consider the severity of the impact of their behaviour on a child’s life, whether it is positive or negative. In her book, she talks about her personal experiences in this and how she reacted to the love and pain she was subjected to.
“My grade four teacher was a major reason why my life had a turning point. I was very much neglected in the classroom but she gave me space and attention for opportunities,” said Disara.
The subject taught by this teacher was English. Disara realised that if she puts some effort into her studies, she could actually do something. Her teacher gave her essays to write and praised her writing as well. “I wanted to study hard because I simply wanted to impress her. I met her at a very crucial age and it really became a milestone in my life.”
Disara also recounted how her A/L literature teacher made her realise that she can act, while she was actively engaged in drama practices. These simple affirmations and appreciations encouraged her and boosted her confidence and made her realise later how much these simple acts of support can impact a child’s life. “A teacher can literally make or break you,” she said.
Disara started writing this memoir back in 2019 as soon as she started her life as an undergraduate. She never thought about publishing a book but always loved giving speeches based on her experiences at the toastmaster club. But this was only for a limited audience and she later realised that she wanted to share her words with a wider audience, which is how “Scars That Speak” came into being.
Teaching methods
Speaking of inspiring others, Disara also loves to inspire her students through academics as well. As much as she loved and appreciated her own literature teachers, she realised that these teaching methods aren’t very active. She believes that literature is such a lively subject so she started applying different, interesting and advanced techniques so that she can genuinely inspire her students beyond their syllabus.
“My trials and tribulations propelled me forwards and strengthened my determination but I haven’t met a person in my life who actually inspired me. Therefore, I always wanted to be that person to others. I don’t criticise anyone for the bad things that happened to me, I have embraced them and turned them into strengths,” Disara said.
All the challenges and hurt that Disara went through, made her determined, independent and strong. But she also talked about how it also created several negative traits in her character like certain harsh qualities and bad temper. She also recalled how she didn’t want to experience romantic relationships as she has built defensive mechanisms and walls around her personal life.
However, the book also talks about healing from these tough sentiments and how she found balance in her personal life. She learned to find love and be open to love, to be independent and bold but also dependent and mild when necessary. She talks about how she found meaning and beauty in her own understanding of womanhood, and how that gradually helped her scars to heal.
She published this book so that people like her, mostly youngsters, would not give up on their goals and dreams just because someone at some point in life was rude to them, went against it and didn’t give them the opportunity.
“Many children and even adults tend to give up their goals and aspirations after someone degrades or hurts them. This is something I never wanted to do and what I never want my students or those who get inspired by my story to do,” Disara said.
She mentioned that such situations shouldn’t lead to demotivation and giving up for the rest of your life. She explained that one might definitely lose certain opportunities because of some people but that there’s always another way to go forward and always other opportunities to try out.
Think practically
Disara encourages everyone to always be smart enough to think for themselves and think practically because such circumstances are just the stark reality of the world.
“Why would you need anyone to manipulate you and stop you from achieving your dreams and targets? It hurts and the pain is very much valid, but if you let this pain take over your dreams, then you let other people control your life. Only then, you become a failure. We have to acknowledge the pain but always remind yourself that no one can succeed in your life other than yourself.”
